Rules Kids Won't Learn in School

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A few of my real life friends have forwarded around "rules that kids don't learn in school" from the book Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can't Read, Write, or Add by Charles J. Sykes (not Bill Gates, as a few messages stated). Since Mr. Sykes' rules weren't consistent with what I believe, or want to teach my children, I thought it would be fun to rewrite them for myself. So, here is my version (with his original at the bottom for reference). And since neither Mr. Sykes nor I may fit with exactly what you believe, feel free to come up with your own and share it too.

Rule 1: Life can be unfair, but in the face of it, you can still cultivate a spirit of generosity, kindness and understanding.

(Also a sense of humor. Because you may find that when people say things like "Life is not fair - get used to it!" it may be because things are unequal in their favor, they like it that way and they're kind of being dicks about it. But you know you don't have to be a dick too. You can think of this and secretly smile when people rant at you. It will make it seem like there is justice in the world again, even if you are actually being a little dickish yourself.)

Rule 2: Every human being has dignity and is worthy of love, respect and understanding, whether they are living in a cardboard box or a mansion in Beverly Hills. Treat yourself, and everyone else with respect and kindness, and you will deserve infinite esteem regardless of what else you accomplish.


Rule 3: Find a way to enjoy and be proud of the work you do each day. Thinking you will only be fulfilled when you reach a certain salary or title or level of accomplishment leads to a disappointing and empty life.

Rule 4: If you have a "tough" teacher or a "tough" boss, especially one who prides themselves on it, they're probably not nearly as good at their jobs as they think they are. My best teachers and bosses haven't imposed difficulties and demanded I worked until I burnt out, but met me where I was and worked with me to help me learn to tackle new challenges and reach my potential. Stick with the ones who do that for you.

Rule 5: See Rule 3, with the caveat that, while working toward being a bazillionaire won't make you any happier, it's reasonable to expect that earning a living wage and health benefits will.

Rule 6: You are, for good and for ill, the product of everything around you and everything that came before you. For the positive contributions (from DNA to supportive people to wherever you happen to live), pay humble debts of gratitude each day. For the negatives, be forgiving of yourself and others, and trust that every imperfect one of us is doing the best we can living in imperfect circumstances. Learn from mistakes when you can, but also learn that sometimes things just go wrong, and there's nothing anyone could have done about it.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents may well have been just boring as they are now. (I know I've always been this boring.) Or not. It's not really important. For now, forget your parents, and go ahead and save the rain forest from the parasites of their generation; someone needs to do it. And it's not like the world is going to benefit from your closet being cleaner.

Rule 8: There are no winners and losers in life. The person who dies with the most toys does not win, nor does the person with the highest grades. And if you don't learn something on the first go around, don't feel bad, because believe me, life will keep smacking you in the face with the same lesson over and over until you do learn it.

Rule 9: Many employers will happily rip your heart out and eat it if it helps the bottom line. This is why you need to work on your boundaries. Also, try to formulate a plan that involves driving profits up by having employers serve you free pie instead.

Rule 10: Learn to tell fiction from reality, but also never forget that fiction can be a window on a larger truth.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds, because, well... See Rule 2.

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Charles Sykes' original rules:

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.