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| Image credit: Photo by doug88888 on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons |
Summers are hard. Enjoyable, yes, but also draining. My kids like routine and predictability, and frankly, so do I. In the summer, there can be routines, but they're different from the rest of the year, and they change more frequently. The whole world seems a little topsy-turvy.
I feel like it's been a while since I've made my plain old voice heard here. Just me. I don't think that's all summer, although some of it is. I think some of it is not bringing my beginner's mind (as they say in Zen) to my blogging. I've learned what to expect from blogging, what's safe to share and what's not. I've learned that A Room of Mama's Own is not entirely my own, and I've narrowed the window in accordingly, to protect myself and especially to protect others. I have a blog voice now that's feeling distinct from my everyday voice. I won't say that's a bad thing (or a good one); it just is.
Anyway, I just stopped by to say to myself (as if you all aren't listening in) that I miss talking to me and that I am here.
You have a wonderful voice, and I admire you for keeping up this blog in anonymity. It can't be easy to do.
ReplyDeleteI love this. I am often amazed at how we can indeed have many voices. The Safe Voice. The Real Voice. The In-Between Voice. And having many voices does not make us crazy. It makes us human. I also marvel at the fact that we create blogs, ostensibly to carve out our own little nooks in this world, our own little rooms, but how quickly those nooks and rooms can become (and unwittingly) places for things other than ourselves.
ReplyDeleteYou know, ever since we had that wonderful chat, I've been thinking a lot about my writing and what's safe and pushing myself out of my comfort zone, etc., etc. There's definitely something I'm working through lately. Sounds like you're maybe having similar musings.
ReplyDeleteI missed you too, since I was gone for nearly a month! It's always good to "hear" your voice. Thanks for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteMPJ-- Reasons I love your blog. Thanks for being real and true to your anonymity at the same time. You know, I sort of envy you 'busy with kids'-types in the Summer. You get to do all the cool stuff the other adults *want* to do ( swimming, flying kites, watching fireflies... I could idealize more, but you might hurt me) but can't. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it while it lasts. Your blog will be here once routine returns!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you've had some not-so-good experiences with blogging. I hope you've found a way to feel safe again.
ReplyDeleteI find it useful to go back in time, so to speak, and read things I've written from long ago. I found an essay I wrote back in college, and I was amazed that it had come from me. The ebullience! The hope! The incredible naivete!
ReplyDeleteI've been journaling more lately, the old-fashioned way with pen and paper and my embarrassingly illegible handwriting. That's where I am most myself, knowing that I alone am the "audience" to my words. I am far from eloquent in this medium, and often my notes to myself make me cringe in reaction to their self-indulgence and ego and clumsy insights. But in keeping this journal, I'm learning to stop being my biggest critic and just let my words sit with me; I am learning to listen to, and even like, my voice.
I've noticed with blogging that I go through periods of wanting to share everything, and moments of wanting to keep things to myself. I think it's just part of the process. But regardless, we've missed you, too! Please continue to share "your voice" - whichever place it might be at the moment :)
ReplyDeleteI blog very honestly and share a lot of things. I do my best to put myself out there--wherever that is. I haven't had as much time to post at The Second Road which is weighing on my mind. I need to do better at that but it is hard to maintain two blogs.
ReplyDeleteHi MPJ! Nice to meet you! :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to use my indoor voice, because my outdoor voice is rather....loud. :-)
ReplyDeleteMPJ- I sure feel my kids being out of their routine lately. However I'm unlike you in that I can't say I like to be in a routine myself. Lots of counseling helped me learn to stop fighting my tendency to run on "musician time." :)
ReplyDeleteIt's actually good to know that others are feeling a little worn out by the summer and distant from their blogs as well. I also need a return to shoshin.
ReplyDeleteI logged into my rss reader today to a ridiculous number of unread posts. Your's and Rae's might be the only ones to be read in their entirety!
I have felt this all too. Busy summer. What is ok to say, what's not. What's for me and what's for the world. and can the two be seperated.
ReplyDeleteHi, MPJ! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. I've enjoyed your voice. Today was the first day my kids went back to school. My middle son (with Aspergers) likes routine too. I like some routine, but I really have a hard time keeping things as rigid as he prefers. Do you find it hard to try and keep routines when the neighborhood kids don't have routines? For example, when we are in the "school year" when my kids come in for dinner, they are in for the rest of the night. However, their friends will be knocking on the door to play. My little guy likes routine but he likes to play too....so these unwelcome knocks on the doors really stir up unwelcome trouble too.
ReplyDelete