She wanted to takeher brother's most special toy,
play with it roughly.
He said no and screamed.
Held it high so she couldn't
snatch it away.
She bit his arm. Hard.
And in an instant he was
flailing at her head.
I broke them apart.
He quietly left the room.
She cried, then calmed down.
I went back to work,
cleaning plates, making dinner,
when she struck again.
I pulled her away,
grabbed wrists hard enough to hurt,
seething with anger.
Hungry and tired,
we were both done for the day,
yet kept on going.
"Please, God, help me be
a better mama to her."
In darkness, I prayed.
You are a wonderful mama, my dear. Keep the faith.
ReplyDeleteI SO could have written that. over and over and over again. i think i need to work on giving myself time outs more often.
ReplyDeletehang in there...this parenting gig is hard.
I loved this part: "Hungry and tired, we were both done for the day, yet kept on going."
ReplyDeleteHow often we keep going even though we're done; learning when to stop, be calm, leave others alone, or just shut our mouths is a precious thing to learn.
Oh how I have been there...
ReplyDeletehugs
Four years ago, when my daughter was about the age yours is now, this is the version I wrote of that prayer:
ReplyDeleteDear Lord, help me to remember that I brought this child into the world voluntarily and of my own free will. Help me to figure out what is best for her, and me, in the long term. Please let that, at least occasionally, also be what is easiest and most pleasant in the short term.
Please let my daughter not be miserable. Please let me not let my daughter make me miserable. Please let me not make my daughter miserable.
Please let my daughter know that I love her. Please let my love for her not get so tangled up in my anger at her that she wants as little as possible to do with me, the way I want as little as possible to do with my own mother.
Please help me give both my children what they need.
Please help me find what I need, too.
Yours sincerely, etc...
Writing it down didn't fix everything, but I think it helped.
So familiar
ReplyDeleteas I remember myself and
sister fighting. Mom
irritated with
both of us sometimes 'lost it'
but we loved her still.
You're an amazing
mother to both of your kids ...
prayers often help.
Hugs and blessings,