Progress

Image credit: Photo by Nick Humphries on Flickr Licensed under Creative Commons

I've found that holidays are the mile markers in my life's highway. As I pass them, I can say: last year I was there, this year I'm someplace else. I can take stock of what's different and what's remained the same.

And this is especially true as the end of the year approaches, and I send out cards with the usual cheerful summary of what our family has done. There was one year — either at the height of my husband's acting out or just after he'd admitted his sex addiction and entered recovery — when I didn't send any out at all. I just wasn't able to look at where we were then.

And as I look back on the time since I passed that last marker, I see a lot of progress. Christmas tends to be a stressful holiday for me: loaded with expectations, filled with family commitments (and all of the crazy dynamics that come into play), devoid (for me) of any religious meaning anymore, in a season low on sunlight and high on depression. I'd made progress around a lot of things in my life, but Christmas seemed to get worse and more complicated each year.

But something has turned around this year. Whether it's my work on the 12 Steps or my yearlong focus on Happy or my improved relationship with my God or just another year of recovery work gone by, I'm in a better place this year than last. I'm not feeling the weight of quite as much holiday stress. I'm better able to let go of other people's expectations and focus on what I need for myself. I'm having more mature, loving, healthy interactions with extended family and friends.

I haven't been perfect, of course. I'm not fixed. I'm still (surprise!) human. I've had resentments flair up and I've regressed to acting like a snitty teenager at times, but it's progress. And I'll take it.

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This post was originally published at The Second Road.